guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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