Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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