I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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