dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am in a vortex of obligation.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
