google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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