Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
