It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
