he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You don't make any sense
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