I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
