I CAN MOONWALK!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
