i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
