Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
