I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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