The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
