We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
