i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
