Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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