I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
