Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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