And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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