would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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