If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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