When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
