Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
