We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
