My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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