Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
