I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Vodka?
Forever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
