Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
