And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
