I just pynch a tree in the face
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
did you just send me my own nude
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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