And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Less talking, more tequila
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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