(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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