got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
