Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
