Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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