Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
