I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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