The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
