Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
