Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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