words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
