He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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