Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
