I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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