He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
