I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize