He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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