and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street