How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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