Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
