dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing