let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
