he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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