it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
