God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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