Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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