Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
