i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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