you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
