i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
