I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
