Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
