If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize