when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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