I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just pee around me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
