JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
