she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
