I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
