u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
